… many women wonder when the man reluctantly says he wants to do something with SM. Together or alone.
He never talked about that, where does that suddenly come from? Does he want another woman sometimes, am I not good enough? And now my husband has suddenly become gay, because he says he wants to walk around in women’s clothing once. Oh yes, and if I want to help him with that! How does he get out! And yes, gay, because he also says that he is very curious about anal sex and if I just want to buy a strap-on and want to take him with it! It must not get any crazier!
I really do not understand my husband anymore and I think it’s weird, honestly. Am I sometimes not enough for him, that he now has those strange thoughts? Is he tired of me and is he trying to get rid of me like that?
Why, does he want to discover that together with me? Do I suddenly have to hang in the ropes or walk on high heels, crawl in front of him or make love with others? I am completely insecure about this, it feels like the bottom has been knocked under my feet and I do not know what to do with it anymore! ”
Breathe in, breathe out and read through …
For many years we, Mistress Kate and Mistress Illucia, are known in the SM world and we speak many people (men and women), play with submissives and / or fetishists and we also receive to share these desires and feelings together.
Sometimes it is only the man who approaches one of us with the question of whether he can go for a travesty, anal training or may serve as a slave. During the introductory meeting (which always takes place with us before a session in the BDSM studio), it often comes out joltingly and stubbornly that ‘there is nothing to discuss with the partner, that she is fooling him for being insecure and sometimes angry too. ”
When we get the idea that the partner reacts largely from uncertainty and ignorance, we offer the couple the opportunity to come together during, for example, the open house (which we organize twice a year). The partner can look around in our studio in The Hague, get to know us and ask any questions.
‘How crazy, how crazy? Do we look crazy or disturbed? Or unhappy? “Is often our answer to the aforementioned statement of a partner and with this the opening to a good and enlightening conversation is often quickly found.
Most of the time it helps the partner to get acquainted with us, to see us in person and to have a chat. This way the partner notices that we can not ‘take away’ her husband, spend the Christmas days with him or go into bed.
We try to explain that SM is something that mainly starts between the ears (and okay, later it radiates out to the rest of the body and is also clearly visible). But also that it is a need, a deep desire that needs to be listened to occasionally. The troubled tickle that can last for a long time when a time is not ‘played’ or the feeling of displeasure that there may be when there seems to be no possibility to do anything with it, we name it and explain it.
No, the man in question does not want to get rid of the partner. Most of the time, the man prefers to experience this with the partner in any form. When the partner indicates that he has no idea how to fill this in, the couple can come together for a session. Both come as submissive and will be allowed to serve the Mistress and undergo many exciting things. But it is also possible that the woman initially only watches over how the man submits herself to the Mistress and later, learning from it, gets involved and wants to handle the whip herself. A simple bondage explained and allowed to apply, her questions may ask and meanwhile her husband gives her a wonderful foot massage. Just some examples, of course, because the possibilities are almost endless.
It is also possible that the partner really wants absolutely nothing at all with SM, that too must be respected. But then the partner can be reassured by us that she can send her husband safely and confidently to us. She will also notice that her husband is relaxing after a session with us and will often appreciate her more because of the granted freedom.
Of course, the partner can also have another advantage in the SM-feelings of her husband, namely a very attentive and helpful man who is controlled by us. In what way?
Think about it:
– when the woman lets us know when the man leaves something at home, there is the punishment session with us
– the man can be instructed by us to delve into the technique of a good massage: you will be very happy
– during training with us, the man learns how he can be more helpful at home, carry out assignments from you, without losing any of his masculinity. After all, we like to see slaves as submissive and obliging, but you still want to have that man with balls at home.
And so of course there are countless examples that you could discuss with us. SM is customized, we see and experience that because everyone is unique.
For us it is of great importance that not only the man himself, but also his partner has a good feeling and keeps it. After all, open communication does everyone well!
If you are now the woman of whom the man has indicated to be ‘into SM’, do not be alarmed! Just contact us and give yourself (and your relationship) an exploratory and informative discussion about this.
Or, are you the man who recently told his wife and does not know how to move on together? Call or email us and we take the time for you.